I Birth on Tuesday: One Year Later // Motherhood // Life | Kylie Purtell - Capturing Life

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

I Birth on Tuesday: One Year Later // Motherhood // Life

Following your dreams
On the last Tuesday of July last year, I had just given birth to my second daughter Zee. I whacked up a little birth announcement to let all my bloggy friends know, and then a month later I posted Zee's birth story and titled it "I Birth on Tuesday: A Study in Contractions". I bet you didn't know I love puns, huh ;) 

It's kinda unreal that an entire year has passed since that day. My beautiful baby girl turns 1 tomorrow and if I'm perfectly honest, I'm in a bit of denial about the whole thing!
So much has happened in the last year. We've gone on holidays, Punky turned 2, I've taken the girls to Wagga, I've vowed to lose weight, I've run, I've had a birthday, I've struggled with the realities of being a new Mum for the second time around (and sometimes even wished I wasn't one!). My Mum had a life-changing accident that we've all struggled to come to terms with, her more than any of us.

There have been lots of things that I've blogged about, and some that for one reason or another I haven't blogged. Things that have happened that just aren't my story to tell. And other things that I needed to deal with in offline life first, before I could talk about them online.

Like the fact that I've resigned from work and I'm now an official, full-time, Stay at Home Mum.

Giving up work was a huge decision to make. One that Dave and I talked about A Lot! We've umm-ed and ahh-ed. Done a lot of sums. I've done a lot of soul searching.

In the end, it was the right decision for our family and for me. Don't get me wrong, I love working. I love the place I used to work and especially the people I worked with. But that part of my life is over, I really feel like I've reached a point where it's time to move on.

I wrote a lot at the beginning of the year about how I had lots of hopes for 2014. My word for this year is determination and I still feel it. I wrote the following back in January and  it's definitely starting to come to fruition -
...most of all I am determined to take control of my life and to better myself in as many ways as I can. I am determined to do all the things I've been wanting to do for a long time. Or at least set myself on the path to doing those things.
Resigning from work has been the biggest step to getting myself on that path. I want to do graphic design. I want to do photography. They are my passions. I feel like now is the time to give them my all and really jump in the deep-end so to speak.

We are lucky enough to be in a position where I can take time off from working in formal employment and pursue these dreams. See if I really do have what it takes to make a living from my passions. It's exciting and scary, all at the same time.

Feel the fear and do it anyway

This is the first time in my entire adult life that I haven't been employed, either on a full-time or part-time basis. Knowing that we are going to be living off one wage for an indefinite period has been daunting at times. But we've set ourselves up so that it doesn't have to be, and to make the financial side of things fairly easy to manage, as long as we are disciplined and stick to our budget.

I might have some nights when I lie in bed and think "What have I done? Can I really do this? Am I kidding myself that I have what it takes to make it work?" but I refuse to let those thoughts take over my mind. A little bit of fear of the unknown, fear of failing, it's what I need to push me outside of my comfort zone and give it everything I've got.

Except for the days when I'm PMSing or the kids are driving me up the wall. On those days I give myself full-permission to wallow in woe and eat crap!

I never thought, as I paced the halls of the hospital, willing Zee to hurry up and be born, that I would find myself sitting here typing these words today. In fact the only thought I had was "Why won't this fucking end?!".

But here I am. I'm terrified. I'm exhilarated.

I wonder what the next year will bring?

Who knew that by giving birth to Zee, I'd also be giving birth to the pursuit of my dreams.

Have you ever stepped outside of your comfort zone and followed your dreams? Taken a big leap of faith and backed yourself? If you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do with your life that you're not doing now?


28 comments:

  1. Wowee what an inspiration your are! Happy Bday to Zee!! Moving to B town would have been my leap of faith. Getting married...again and popping out 3 kids in 4 years..(soon) Who would have thought!! A small town at that compared to my old stomping ground in the burbs of Melbourne. I too quit a very good job, but also then was employed by the local school which I must say on the family side of things and the opportunities it bought in what subjects I got to teach has been a blessing. I too am keen on this photography learning gig and am going to join our local camera club to get the SLR knowledge going. This blogging caper intrigues me more and more everyday, and I like the idea of learning more about gardening,plants and landscaping. I always wanted to study anatomy and physiology but I don't think I could bare the study nor assignments or exams for that matter anymore. If only you could just sit in a lecture and listen in only!! Looking fwd to reading and seeing what more unfolds in the life of Kylie thats for sure. xx I think i can learn a lot from you here....x

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  2. Good on you Kylie - it really does sound like you are living up to your word and making things happen. It took me until I was 41, with our second and living in Canada for a year (when there really wasn't that much opportunity to work) to give myself permission to not earn any income at all (I'd previously worked part-time consultancy) for a whole year. You will do great because you bring the strength of being a mum to your new dreams.

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  3. Oh I'm so excited for you Kylie. I love to see women taking that leap and following their heart. You won't look back.
    And you know, I can actually say that there is nothing I am not doing now that I wish I was doing. That's a brilliant feeling. x

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  4. Oh my that IS exciting!! Firstly, Happy Birthday to Baby Zee! Can't believe that 1 year has passed already! Secondly, congrats on taking this new step in your life!! Wishing you all the best and strength to follow your dreams, despite any obstacles that you may face. Don't give up :)

    Ai @
    Sakura Haruka

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  5. Oh wow, that's gone SO fast!! I'm excited for you to be following your dreams. Giving up your job is a huge deal - one I'm sure you spent ages thinking about! I'm sure it will be a good decision for you guys and that Punky & Zee will appreciate it too. :)

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  6. Great Kylez! Exciting times ahead! I feel like motherhood for me was the birth of creativity and innovation. I let go of expectation, and let the creative juices flow. Thankfully I am very well supported by people around me, and have a great flexible job that allows me to do all the things I love. I look forward to following your yet to be trodden path. x

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  7. All.the.time. I'm in the same boat as you love. After much discussion, we decided that is would be best for us if I became a stay at home mum too. This is my third year on the job now and I have to say it took me at least half of that time to actually get my head around it all and start to enjoy it and not be so harsh on myself. I would also love to to do photography and graphic design and I'm at last starting to feel a little bit excited that there might be some things still out there for me after all. Good you!! and Happy 1st Birthday little Zee xx

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  8. You can do it. It just takes a lot more self motivation to work for yourself but the benefits are fantastic! You have the talent, it's now just taking the time to make a plan and do it! I can't believe Zee is one year already, it seems like yesterday we got that IBOT in our mail box!! Happy 'birth' to you also xx

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  9. Congratulations on making such a big decision. I hope you really enjoy your new direction. Happy birthday little Zee!

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  10. My biggest decision involved having kids. Knowing the childcare option was limited I gave up my career path for this. Best decision at the time. I'm now ready for new horizons though.

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  11. Congratulations for getting out of your comfort zone and following your dreams. You are doing what I am not brave enough to do. You are an inspiration. As for Zee, I can't believe she's one either. That has gone way to fast. happy birthday for tomorrow x

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  12. Taking that first step away from the work force is always scary. I did it when I was just pregnant with the twins. I had no idea what the future was going to hold but being a full time mum has been the best decision I've made for me and the family. Go chase those dreams, Kylie! x

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  13. We've been single income for almost 11 years apart from last year when I was at a Liquor Land. It's tough but it's been worth it. Bring available full time is such a blessing for all of us.

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  14. I think your baby is about a month younger than mine! I'm sure we'd have lot's to talk about ;) I have also made the decision to not go back to work right now. (THIS IS WORK!!!!) My husband keeps telling me on a regular basis that we can't keep living like we have two incomes. And I feel like I rarely get to by myself anything. The extra costs are from the baby, I swear. BELIEVE me, husband :(

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  15. Oh my God yes, this is WORK! So much harder than going to work every day. Well, for me anyway, my job was pretty easy! Lol! I know what you mean, I am not a huge fan of shopping but I find myself coming up with excuses of things we must have, just to get out of the house for a bit!

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  16. I think that is what I am most looking forward to. Mum was always home when we were young, and you can't get those early years back. Need to make the most of them while I can.

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  17. Thanks Grace. I think it's definitely the best decision we could have made and I have definitely been enjoying. I honestly don't think I could leave them if I wanted to!

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  18. It went way too fast, it's not fair! I wish there was a pause button we could hit (on the good days of course, the shit days can go in fast forward quite honestly! Lol!).

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  19. I think that's why I am trying to do the tafe thing and other stuff now while I can fit it around the girls, so that when they are off to school I can spread my wings a little more and not have to start from the beginning in 5 years time xx

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  20. Making the plan is the hard bit. Some days I just don't know where to start. I know what I what, it's just figuring out exactly how I'm going to get there that's the scary bit!

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  21. It's a strange gig, that's for sure. There are definitely some days where I wonder if maybe I could just pop in and do a days work every now and then just to get away! I think it's the perfect time to start working on some of the things I love though, so that hopefully I can turn them in to a career once the girls are a bit older and not so demanding x

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  22. I am with you there, I feel so much more inspired since I had the girls. I think it's from being forced to look at the world through the girls eyes so often that has done it.

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  23. It definitely wasn't an easy decision but once it was made everything just felt right, and I felt so much more at peace. I'm pretty sure I'm on the right path and I can't wait to see where it leads us xx

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  24. Thanks Ai. It's certainly gonna be an interesting ride! xx

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  25. That is so awesome Jodi. I hope that in a years time I will be saying exactly the same thing!

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  26. I think being a Mum has definitely made me shift my priorities and realise that doing something for me will be the perfect accompaniment to being at home with the girls. It gives me extra purpose to set a good example for them xx

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  27. My one other passion is psychology but I've held back on pursuing it for the same reason, I just don't know if I could do all of the study required, and from what I've heard, the statistics side of things would kill me!
    P.S. Hope all is going well with you and bubs xx

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