Empty Contradictions

I have so much swirling around in my head right now...
...but nothing to write about.
I feel so much excitement about the things going on in my life and my future...
...but so much terror and fear and uncertainty.
I want to laze around on the lounge all day, nap and doze and just generally do nothing...
...but I clean, and I mother, and I do everything that needs to be done.
I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed to have the friends and family that I have...
...but an incredible anxiety and loneliness that I just can't talk about or explain to them.
I project confidence and self esteem and loudness and an ability to talk till the cows come home...
...but inwardly I second-guess myself, don't rate myself, wish I could reign in my personality and keep my mouth shut.
I feel so full of happiness...
...but at the same time, empty.
I lack motivation and willpower when it comes to things in my life like weight loss, cleaning and budgeting...
...but when it comes to making sure I don't sink beneath the emotional waves, I have all the motivation and will power there is.


The name of my blog is A Study in Contradictions.
The story of my life is a study in contradictions.
I'm up and I'm down at the same time. An extroverted introvert. A mentally motivated, physically lazy bugger.
I'm looking up at myself looking down.