The Gap | Kylie Purtell - Capturing Life

Friday, 19 October 2012

The Gap

There comes a time in your parenting journey when talk inevitably turns to when or if you should have another baby. For some that talk comes sooner than others.

Lately, Dave and I have been talking about the idea of having another baby. Punky is just about 11 months and it's gone from the whole "I wonder if our next kid is gonna be ugly because Punky took all our cute genes, this is way off in the future" kind of talk, to "Should we just do it now and get the baby stuff out of the way, better to be sleep deprived all in one big go rather than drag that shit out" kind of talk.
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Call us crazy, but we are leaning towards the school of 'let's get this shit done and out of the way' thought. We've always agreed that for us, about 2 years is a good gap, not too close but not too far apart either. The age difference between most of our siblings is 2 years and it seemed to work for our parents.(Having said that, neither of our parental units could keep it in their pants and we both have four siblings each, the range of Dave's family is 9 years, the range of mine is 10. We are NOT having that many kids!)

My only issue, is that because Punky is born in November, I don't really want to have another kid with a birthday super close to hers (some crazy-ass friend of mine had her kids a day apart, not mentioning any names *cough* Kelly HTandT *cough* and that was through no fault of her own, obviously, her kids just have no sense of timing, but she's gonna have some 'fun' around their birthdays in the years to come!) and so if we try to time it for 2 years we 'll end up with two birthdays right before Christmas, or knowing our luck, one on Christmas! 

So the question then becomes, do we wait and try for an early 2014 kid or go for it now and hope that things work in our favour and we get an October 2013 or earlier baby?

These little cuties are 9 months and a couple of weeks apart
Watching them play together on the weekend made me
want to give Punky a sibling so bad
Obviously biology and nature can't be controlled, and in the end it's gonna happen when it happens, but I'm not sure where I stand. TBH, I thought I may have been pregnant already, but no, that cow Aunt Flo was just taking her sweet time to get here. I was seriously having visions of two babies under 18 months and thinking I should book my time at the 'spa' (read mental hospital) a little early.

But then the old cow showed up and the visions of trying to wrangle two kids that couldn't talk or go to the toilet independently faded, and while I was a little relieved, I also wasn't. If you know what I mean.

Add to that the fact that Punky has started putting herself to sleep most nights and we may or may not have had a sweet night's sleep recently of 12 hours (don't wanna jinx it by saying too much!) I'm starting to think having them closer in age is maybe not that bad an idea. So that leads me to the conclusion that maybe it is time to just throw caution to the wind and see what mother nature has in store for us.

But I'm just wondering, for those of you with multiple kids, or those with siblings, what do you feel, for yourself, is the ideal age gap between kids? Did you have that specific gap on purpose or was Mother Nature playing silly buggers with you? Everyone has a different reason and I would love to hear yours. Add them to our list of pros an cons.

It's Friday! So I am linking this post up with the fabulous Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday! Make sure you get over there and check out the sweet floggers!




19 comments:

  1. You should aim for September 2013!! :)

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  2. We planned for our #2 just after MissC's first birthday.. I fell pregnant straight away (and he was due on my 30th birthday)...

    21 months differenced.. it was hard the first couple of months.. because MissC was only just starting to communicate and listen to instructions (DONT TOUCH THE BABY!)..... but now they play together (he is now 17 months she is 3) and its beautiful! If we were to have a 3rd we would plan it now... (we are not having a 3rd though)...

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  3. It is uncanny how we have similar thoughts/things happen at the same time. I too thought I was pregnant this month, and had to get a blood test to be sure- no idea where my period decided to go. Meh.

    We had planned to start again now, so we'd have them like 18 months apart, but we're looking doing some travelling in early next year, so have put it off. I think in the end we'll be looking more at the 2 year difference, BUT, like you, I don't want to have two babies with close birthdays, just AFTER Christmas!

    I'm not sure what we'll do, but if I were you guys, and I had nothing else to consider, I would definitely be going for it now. Get it all over and done with! Let the siblings be close so they're buddies!
    I've done quite a bit of surveying over the last few months, and the general feeling from people talking about them and their siblings, or their own children, is that they preferred them to be close together. When they were further apart siblings felt less close, and parents were 'out of practice' and sort of starting from the beginning again.
    That's just my 2 cents worth though!

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  4. Do it!

    Our gaps are:
    2 yrs 3 months
    2 yrs 3 months
    and 2 years.

    the 2 year gap was probably the most difficult, because #3 was just that bit younger and tiny bit less independent. Of course. it could have just been because we had 3 other boys, and then a newborn. heh.

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  5. Oh and now that the youngest has just turned 2, I am for the first time in 9 years, not pregnant and/or breastfeeding!

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  6. I honestly don't think there is an 'ideal' age gap. There are pro's and cons for big age gaps and small ones. You just have to follow your instincts (and mother nature). We wanted a close age gap because hubby and I both have siblings close in age and wanted the same thing in our own family. Go for it! x

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  7. I love the 21 months between our boys, they have such a close bond, they're into the same things, it's beautiful. But I also noticed the difference in J between H's birth and A's birth. Second time around he was far more interested, more excited, more helpful...
    But I'm all about the schedule, and I reckon early 2014 is better. With Dave, Mia and Xmas already so close together, do you really wanna chance it?

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  8. It is so difficult to say,really. I have a 6yo and 8 mth old baby. The age gap means my elder one loves being a responsible bigger sis to the baby. No jealousy, no hitting etc. My friend has a 2 yo and 8 mth old and the baby always had scars scratches on his face from being whacked and btten by his sis! Having said that, i have seen close age gap siblings get along well. It might sound funny but it is important to me to give birth in spring or sumer LOL cause i cant take the cold and i cant imagine being heavily preggers n giving birth n caring for a tiny newborn in the cold.

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  9. When we were planning our second child, I even went as far as picking a month on the Calendar that was free of birthdays as well as free of large bills. Hubby thought I was a bit nuts, but it worked out in the end.
    What I didn't work out well is that both children have birthdays that fall in the School Holidays, which is a little crazy for organising parties. You can't get it right everytime, no matter how much you plan.
    And are you assuming that you will get pregnant as soon as you start trying?

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  10. our gaps are 16 months and 2 years. (23 months to be exact!) the 16 month gap was easier on my pregnant self, I only had another baby who couldn't walk and slept most of the time to chase after, the next time I had two toddlers to deal with! However the three year gap between my oldest and youngest was the easiest for the older one to understand about not waking baby and whatnot! But everyone has a different ideal!

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  11. I would just go for it, and not over think it. I had the last one two days before the one before turned two, and 5 days before the older one turned 19. So I've got three in November within the same week(totally didn't plan for that), it's workin' so far. No plans for another one, I'm being very bloody careful around February though lol!

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  12. We planned our gap on purpose ( as much as you can plan these things! ). We thought 2.5ish hrs gap would be nice, but I didn't want to pregnant at our wedding.... so I planned when to stop taking the Pill so I would be good to fall pregnant on our honeymoon. Turns out we would have conceived Tully two weeks after our honeymoon, and we have a 2 yr 8 month gap! So far, 2 months in with 2 kids, things are going well!

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  13. We have 3 boys under 5- roughly 2 years between each one. It's hard work but If we had big gaps between the boys-we would only have had two kids. All the boys love each other and are very affectionate. I would say be like Nike and " just do it" .

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  14. I doubt it makes any difference. Siblings can be a year apart and as close as can be or hate each other. Siblings can be 10 years apart and as close as can be or hate each other.

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  15. Through caution to the wind and let Mother Nature take it's course, love! Speaking from a mama with siblings 2 minutes apart, life is never going to be about the number of years apart. It goes well and truly beyond that, I think.
    Good luck! I'm sure whichever way you go, it'll mean there's more love and well, yes chaos, in your special home :) x

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  16. Aww I am jealous, I never got to plan TTC. My daughter was a wonderful accident and my step kids came as they were. But the huge age gap is good in some ways and bad in others. If I was planning I would go nice and close together.

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  17. We dont want a third in July, so we are aiming to TTC early in the new year.

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