Confessions of a New Mum - Part One - Learning Curves and 'Un'Enjoyment | Motherhood
I didn't enjoy the first couple of months of Punky's life as much as I wanted to.
That's not to say that I wasn't happy to have become a Mum, and overjoyed and filled with love for my little munchkin. Because I was. Totally. I could have sat and stared at her all day, her perfect little hands and feet, the little bow mouth and stubby nose. That intoxicating newborn smell.
It was just that caring for a brand new baby was so much harder than I ever could have thought it would be.
|The first day of the rest of my life|
Those first few weeks were just so overwhelming. I was looking everywhere for an instruction manual, to tell me what to do. To reassure me that we were doing the right things.
I was just not prepared, by any stretch of the imagination, for having to be completely on-call 24 hours a day, to have someone so helpless relying on me for absolutely everything, relying on me to keep her alive.
The shock and pain of breastfeeding, every two hours or less. There's no wonder why they call it 'demand' feeding.
The weight of responsibility and anxiety really weighed me down those first 8weeks.
I became a little addicted to showers. The shower was the only place where I felt free for just a few minutes, where I felt like myself. Where the pressure to be there for my daughter wasn't the only thing I could see, hear or feel. And when Dave went back to work, and I was left on my own for long stretches with a crying baby, and wasn't able to have a shower? Well, let's just say that the times when I was able to get in that shower I ran that hot water tank dry.
But the funny thing is, now, after 8 months, I can sit here and write about how hard I found it, and the fact that I wasn't prepared at all for it, but it kinda feels like it happened to someone else. Like it wasn't really me.
I suppose in a lot of ways I am a totally different person now. I've come to terms with the fact that my life is not my own anymore. That I have someone who needs me and relies on my pretty much 24-hours a day, and it's going to be that way for at least the foreseeable future, longer if you factor in other babies. And I'm alright with that.
In the beginning it kind of felt like I was just waiting for that moment for someone to come along and say "OK, good job, you've done the work, now it's time to go home and back to your old life" and that wasn't going to happen. My old life was gone.
And 8 months later I'm so glad it is, because I feel like in some small way I've actually managed to become this role, a 'Mother', I'm not just some pretender, some little girl playing house.
And it feels good.
Linking up this post for Flog Yo Blog Friday and Flash Blog Friday
Confessions of a New Mum Part One - Learning Curves and 'Un'Enjoyment
Confessions of a New Mum Part Two - Stitched Up
Confessions of a New Mum Part Three - The Part-time SAHM
Confessions of a New Mum Part Four - Mum Appreciation
Confessions of a New Mum Part Five - Losing My Confidence
Confessions of a New Mum - Kelly from Handmade Tears and Triumphs (Guest Post)
Confessions of a New Mum - Bron from Big Brother, Little Sister & the Baby (Guest Post)
Confessions of a New Mum - Jenn from Mountains & Musings (Guest Post)
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