I'm Having a Baby!
And I'm terrified.
I know it's silly and there is not really any big reason to be, but I just have this terrible fear that it's not going to work out and I will go to my OB appointment on Thursday afternoon to be told that I've miscarried.
I've had some spotting, nothing heavy, it's been quite light, with no cramps or anything like that, just the spotting. In week 6 for a few days, then again for 3 days at 9 weeks & 3 days and then a little on Sunday night just gone. Just the Sunday night.
I've googled bleeding and spotting in pregnancy and while everything I have read has, to some degree, made me feel a little better about it (some people are just 'bleeders' and it doesn't necessarily mean anything has gone wrong) it's still really hard not to worry. This is the first time I've been pregnant and so I have no experience to gauge any of this by. I'm trying to think positive.
I've already had one ultrasound, at about 7 and a half weeks, a dating scan, where everything looked perfectly normal and I even heard the heartbeat! Can I just say how amazing that was! Just WOW! I didn't know I could get so excited and overwhelmed over a 'sound'.
This is something I have wanted for so long and I never realised how a person could be both excited and terrified at the same time. It's a little overwhelming.
I've been feeling ok for the most part, though I've had some rough days where I've just felt absolutely rotten and spent most of the day dry-retching(sp?) and feeling absolutely crap. And I've been sooooo tired. I'd read about the tiredness but I had no idea just how tired I could be till it hit me. I've gone from bedtimes of about 1-2am most nights with about 6 hours sleep to sleeping for 12 hours at a time and still feeling like I could sleep some more.
I've been having some pretty vivid dreams too, and weird dreams! Some of them are so vivid I wake myself up by sitting bolt upright in bed, or even jumping out of bed and it takes me a minute to realise what's going on and where I am! Never had that before!
Before I had the dating scan I was having these horrible dreams of miscarriage, of waking up covered in blood or being at the ultrasound place and being told my uterus was filled with blood, and I would wake up almost in tears. And that all went fine, so as I said, I'm just trying to think positive.
Fingers crossed it all goes well on Thursday and I can hopefully start to relax just a little.
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