The first Tosser Trophy of 2015 goes to... | Ranty Mc Ranterson

The time has come to award the first Tosser Trophy of 2015 and it comes to you courtesy of a nomination from my long-suffering husband. So without further ado, the most anticipated award of the year goes to...

The makers of feminine hygiene products.

Seriously, why do you need to change the packaging every bloody month? Why?!?!?!

Do you know how hard this makes it to find what you want/need month to month? Every month I have to stand there and carefully read the packaging to make sure that I'm getting the thing that I actually want.

Just when I think I've got it figured out, that I know what size & colour the packaging of the pads or tampons I'm looking for is like, you go and change the damn thing! The amount of times I've walked out of their with the wrong pads or wrong tampons is ridiculous.

And we all know using a light tampon that you think is a super is not going to make me or my underwear very happy!

Now to some women, standing and reading the front and back of the packaging might not be a problem. In fact, if I've somehow managed to get out of the house and to the shops kid-free then I might actually stand there and read the front and back of every package just for the hell of it. Because I can. Because every moment I stand there trying to figure out which pack contains the thing that I'm after is another minute of child-free peace that I've gained.

To be honest though, I'd rather be spending those blissful, child-free moments doing something more enjoyable, like pouring hot wax on my nether regions or dumpster diving through dirty nappies.

The thing is, most of the time when I'm shopping I have a kleptomaniac preschooler and a toddler trying to kill themselves climbing out of the trolley with me. If I'm not telling the preschooler for the 50 bazillionth time to stop touching every damn thing on the shelf then I'm frantically trying to keep one eye on the shelves and one eye on the toddler who is hanging over the side of the trolley, attached by one leg and aiming for a perfect 10 at the World Trolley Diving Championships.

It's hectic. And my least favourite thing to do in the world. Except for maybe dealing with a number three. That might actually be worse. But only just.

The last thing I want to be doing while I'm trying to keep two small humans from destroying the joint or killing themselves is to have to stand there and try and figure out what colour the pads I'm looking for is packaged in this month.

Just pick a colour or design and stick to it for heaven's sake. For my own sanity, the sanity of the shoppers around me, and the sanity of our dear husbands.

You see, as confusing as it is for me to figure out which product is the one I'm actually after, can you imagine how hard it is for my husband?! He's trying to do a good deed, and buy his wife the right thing. He thinks he knows, he grabbed them last month and it was easy enough. He checked the colour and design of the packaging on the last lot before he left the house, he thinks it will be easy.

Jokes on you buddy, you're gonna have to stand there staring at all those pads and tampons for way longer than you ever dreamed possible. Just one of the many bonuses no-one ever told you having a partner would bring.

I can only assume that the people who design the packages and make these infernal changes on what feels like a month to month basis are man haters. What other reason could there be? They want to see them suffer in the aisles as they frantically search to find exactly the right thing for their woman, lest they feel her hormonal wrath for getting it wrong, at what is already a really shitty time of the month.

So do us all a favour why don't you, and just pick a colour and design and stick with it, yeah?

The mothers and the husbands of the world will thank you.

Have you ever noticed how often they change the packaging of these products? Has it confused you too? Tell me Dave and I are not alone in this most serious grievance.

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.

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TeganMC said…
I haven't had to buy feminine hygiene products for nearly 6 years thankfully. So I haven't noticed the colour change but a few weeks ago I did notice the ridiculous price hike. I was blown away by how much they cost now and I'm glad that I don't have to buy them each month anymore!
I know right!! I am one of those that scans from a distance, finds my target, moves in for the snatch and grab run... haha...stuffs me up when they have moved them or changed the packaging!!!
Mystery Case said…
I lost my girly bits and periods thanks to the big C almost ten years ago now. It's only been the last year or three that I've had to start purchasing hygiene products for my three girls. I tend to wait till they are on sale and buy a years worth or more at a time. The last time I purchased them, chocolate was also on special and Miss 15 and myself had a massive giggle when we hit the checkout armed with enough pads, tampons and chocolate to sink a ship.
Leanne Shea Langdown said…
I haven't noticed! But that may say more about me and my lack of awareness than anything else.
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
Bec @ Wholly Listening said…
No no, you're not alone! I was convinced for a while that the product I usually used and stopped being made - but no, they'd just changed the packaging again! And yes, grocery shopping with young children is the absolute pits...
Deborah said…
Oh yes cos on the pad front I like super-absorbent but thin. And no wings. And yet... occasionally I get home to open the familiar-ISH blue bag and they're huge. Or they have wings.
Oh, won't somebody think of the husbands? Giggle. Also, kleptomaniac toddlers, I inow your pain :)
Dani @ sand has no home
Ha ha LOVE your rants, my brand doesn't seem to change but I do know what you mean!
The Plumbette said…
Yep been caught out with this before and have gotten the wrong ones. It's bad marketing really.
Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect said…
I have changed brands since I have started buying for my girls, and it is only because I took the time to check it out (typical mu does things for other people).
Yes, yes, YES! Oh the days when I had the luxury of being able to stand and compare grocery items and make a measured and informed decision;-) I'm no longer a sanitary products user, however, as I'm an IUD host. I LOVE it!:-) #TeamIBOT
EssentiallyJess said…
Yes! So annoying! The amount of times I think I've got ones with wings, and then I get home and find they are wingless... it's very annoying!
That drives me crazy!! Especially when I am buying three different types of products! Miss M has her favourite, Miss E her favourites and then there is me! Gawd help me when the younger two get theres....think I need shares in Libra.....
mumabulous said…
I'm looking forward to the change. Anytime now......
LOL, I've recently had to start buying them for my daughter and that does my head in even more. Why do they think young girls need such loud packaging that tell you absolutely nothing about the product inside??
Mumma McD said…
Ah so it's not just me! I've only recently started needing 'these products' again after 2 kids and breastfeeding for 3.5 years - my first time back in that aisle had me completely stumped. WTF? What does it all mean? Slim? Tapered? Winged? Contoured?

I'm still not sure I picked up the right thing. The ones I picked up are all different colours. Like a box of crayons. And you know what my toddler thought they were? A box of crayons. Which he likes to put in his mouth. F*#k.

HandbagMafia said…
Oh Kylie- you need to join the cup club. You'll never look back!
Robyn (Mrs D) said…
I can't remember the last time I even thought about that stuff. The coil has been the best invention ever for me x
Shari said…
I have had one period in the past 3 years - I have been pregnant twice… Here is to a few more periods in between baby number two and baby number three!

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