You Shit Me To Tears!

I'm gonna get very real here today and talk about something that often isn't talked about. I'm talking shit, and not baby shit either, so if you don't like shit talk then click away now. You have been warned!
{Image should really check it out!}

I don't know about you, but I have had it with the filth that people leave in public toilets.

Some public toilets aren't looked after very well. Some are. But no matter how often a public toilet is cleaned and looked after, there is nothing you can do about the Ferals.

You know what I'm talking about. Those fucking disgusting people who for some reason or another have no idea how to use a toilet. The ones who don't bother to flush. The ones who clog up the bowl with ridiculous amounts of toilet paper. The ones that somehow manage to miss the toilet all together!

I mean seriously, how is it even possible for a woman to miss??? Even if you're squatting over the toilet, so as to avoid touching the seat, you really shouldn't be missing. The only reason why there should be any pee on the floor (or on the seat) in a women's bathroom is if a woman has taken her child to that toilet.

Now I don't actually have a child of 'going-to-toilet' age, but I can tell you now, when I do, and when they get pee on the floor or seat, I will be wiping that piss up! It's not hard to grab a wad of TP, bend over and wipe up the mess. It's only common courtesy!

Honestly, how fucking hard is it to use a toilet properly??? How fucking hard is it to press that button once you've dropped your guts, so that the next person to walk in after you doesn't have to see it. We've all had times where the use of copious amounts of toilet paper has been required. There's nothing like a nice little curry from the local indian takeaway to spring clean your insides, but a toilet bowl can only take so much. This is where the courtesy flush comes in to play.

The courtesy flush is two-pronged. If you're doing a real stinker, it's only nice to flush the toilet as soon as that turd makes splash-down, so as to minimise the smell that other visitors to the throne have to endure. The second part of a courtesy flush comes when you know you're gonna need at least a few more handfulls of TP than the average wipe. Rather than just keep stuffing the TP down the toilet, flush the button when you're half way through, so as to narrow the chances of clogging the toilet. By all means, use as much TP as you need, but don't clog the bowl, for everyone's sake.

Personally, I try to not have to go number two's in a public toilet, but at work it is often unavoidable. And to be perfectly frank, sometimes skid marks are also unavoidable. Now in a public toilet, there isn't much you can do about that. If those skid marks are below the water line then you just need to walk (run!) away and hope someone doesn't walk in directly after you. If they are above the water line then do the right thing and use a little TP to wipe those suckers away.

At work, or in any toilet for that matter, where there is a brush beside the toilet, the polite thing is to get rid of those skid marks, above water line or below. The next person who walks in doesn't need a visual confirmation of what you had for breakfast. It takes two seconds and I promise, you won't die doing it.

The other thing that is just plain rude is to leave an empty roll on the roll holder. Or two squares just hanging over it (you think I'm not gonna notice that you've strategically placed those last few squares back over the roll just so you can avoid the arduous, straining and time-consuming task of changing the roll? Fuck me dead!). No-one ever died from changing a toilet roll. And you know what, if you change that empty toilet roll then maybe Karma will take note and you won't find yourself with no TP after dropping a deuce one day.

So there you have it people. A few simple things we can all do to make going to a shared toilet more bearable. Now unfortunately this will never stop the problem of those people that somehow manage to get poo in places beyond comprehension, that make it seem like an ape or monkey has used the toilet rather than a person of the human persuasion. I don't know where those people come from, and I use the term 'people' lightly because the jury is still out on whether or not it really is an ape or monkey using those loos, but I hope I never have the misfortune of being in a public toilet at the same time as them.

What I hate most about a Feral toilet though, is when you go to enter a cubicle and see the mess that someone has left behind, you then back away quickly to find a useable cubicle. And once you're done using said usable cubicle, you're washing your hands and then someone else walks in to the Feralised one and quickly backs out and you just know they are wondering whether or not you're the animal that Feralised the toilet. That's what I really hate!

I once wrote a letter (I write a lot of letters, my best one was to Channel 9 because they stopped showing my story!) to the management of a shopping center I worked in because of the horrendous state of the toilets. I threatened to go to the health dept if I had to go in there one more time and not be able to find a single loo that had toilet paper in the holder and that didn't have shit smears on the walls. Amazingly I got a very nice letter back and can I tell you, I have never seen those toilets get to that state again. Apparently the female security guard, whose job it was to make sure the cleaners were doing their job properly had left and they were in the process of hiring a new one. Well, let me just say, that if the cleaners you've employed aren't cleaning that shit properly without someone checking their work every hour then you need new cleaners!
I hate to break it to you Kel, but when I googled the words 'whose poos' your picture came up,
almost at the bottom of the search results! I am not kidding! Apparently you commented on how breastmilk poos are
divine back in August on Retromummy's blog so now your picture comes up when people google poo! How shit is that!
If its any consolation my picture is now totally gonna come up when people google poo after this!

Here endeth the rant. Please tell me I'm not alone in my feelings on this shitty subject?

P.S. Ten points to whoever can tell me the name of the artist that sings the song that my blog post title is from.

Linking up this post as always, with the totally NON-shitty Jess, for her fabulous linky, IBOT.


Kimberley M said…
Oh hilarious! I hate it too. Have you been to China? Maybe don't go to China - it's FAR worse. China is a BRILLIANT country to visit, but the toilets - not so much. Kx
Unknown said…
Oh tell me about it. I hate public toilets. Some adults are just incomsoderate towards the next person! Even my daughter is more helpful; she apparently wanta to help clean all the toilets when she sees dirty ones and i got to restrain her lol
BossyMummy said…
The Tenants :) Triple J all the way!!!! I am an OT, so everything in my life comes back to poo - you wouldnt believe some of the poo situations I have been in! And you are right, it shouldn't be too hard to keep the toilet clean after youve finished - it is just courtesy!!
Kel said…
Oh gawd. I was cringing the whole way through that post. I feel sick. The public toilet is my worst nightmare, cannot stand it. You've raised some valid points.
And I was wondering as I was reading through, how on earth can I come into this? And there is was, and can I just say, LMFAO!
Anonymous said…
I am so totally with you. I avoid public toilets like the plague but when you do need it, I am constantly reminded of how fucking disgusting some people are. I always feel like I need a shower afterward.
Just for the record, I think that paper towels should always be on hand - how else can I open the door after washing my hands and not get their feral germs all over me?
Come on people - raise your standards!
Anonymous said…
Yesterday I had to back out of a loo filled with blood stained paper - GROSS!
Shari said…
Oh yes.
I'm not even going to start ... I'll just sit here and applaud.
Catherine Rodie said…
Crikey, that was one hell of a rant. I lived in Uganda for a while - there were times I would drive myself home and then go out again so I could avoid the public loos!
Yes. Agreed. That's all I can say. I will now go and wash my hands and try to unsee some of the things you made my mind see with your words!!!!
Anonymous said…
Yep, you said it! I have no words, it's just disgusting how people behave with public toilet. Now, on the subject of letters, it's great that the shopping center did actually something about the toilet. As for Channel 9, I'm just curious: what was your letter about?
Me N my Monkeys said…
If i can help it, i don't use public toilets for all the reasons you have just shared.
EssentiallyJess said…
I do my absolute best to avoid public toilets at all cost. I really can not stand them at all! And it hurts my feelings so much when my kids need to use them!
Tegan Churchill said…
Ick! I hate using public toilets. Night club toilets are gross. They make you really wonder if animals instead of humans have been using the toilets. I went into one on a night out and some woman (I use the term loosely)had stuffed a glass down the bowl. So obviously that stall was out of order and the line doubled in size while some poor worker had to fish it out.
Unknown said…
Could. not. agree. more.

Had an experience just today... sigh. *shudder* (gag)

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