The Countless Counting | Kylie Purtell - Capturing Life

Friday, 24 August 2012

The Countless Counting

"It's OK sweetie, Mummy's here" I whisper into the darkness. That "Oh Shit" moment has happened.

I gently lift her and lay her back down, cover her with the blankets, rub her back until she is still.

And then I count. To the ticks of the clock. I count for 30 seconds.

I start to stroke her head. Feel her soft, feathery hair under my fingers, running them from her forehead, past her ear and to her neck.

And I count. To the ticks of the clock. I count for 60 seconds.

I feel her breathing slow, feel the tension flow from her body.

I count. To the ticks of the clock. I count for 90 seconds.

I stop stroking her head and lift my hand. I hold my breath and wait to see movement.

I count. To the ticks of the clock. I count for 20 seconds.

She seems to be sleeping again. She seems calm and content. I take a step towards the door and I wait.

I count. To the ticks of the clock. I count for 10 seconds.

Squinting into the darkness, trying to sense her movement. If I'm lucky she won't make a peep. She'll be sleeping soundly.

If I'm not lucky, she stirs, maybe grizzles, seeks reassurance that her Mummy is still there. When she does this I feel a rush of love, tinged with sleepiness, a slight yearning for the bed that awaits me.

But I know in this moment she needs me, needs to know that the one who loves her most is there, there in the darkness with her, only a step and a heartbeat away.

And then I count. To the ticks of the clock. For as long as it takes.

The Countless Counting.

Sometimes it takes many ticks of the clock. Other times, just a few ticks.

But it always leads to the Moon Walking...




20 comments:

  1. Nailed it! Some of your best work there. I could read it over and over, it's that good :) x

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  2. Aww, at at was lovely. As is that pic of Mia!

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  3. that was written perfectly!! And I think all mothers know exactly how many ticks on the clock it takes their child to sleep... gorgeous!

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  4. As I read that I was instantly reminded of my experiences with my kids as babies, 20 years ago! That is almost exactly how it went, even the moon walking! ;-)

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  5. This is beautifully written. You know in horror movies how the characters keep getting up after they've been killed off- that's how my 10 month old is when it comes to thinking he's asleep, he keeps getting up!

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  6. My 2yoD was born before the soccer world cup. It would normally take a full game between 11am and 2am..

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  7. Gorgeous Kylie. I can so relate to this, as I am sure every mother can! Your timing and rhythm in this is perfect. x

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  8. Such a beautiful illustration of life with a baby. I can totally relate to everything you've said here. Wise & beautiful words Kylie!

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  9. Love it! You've summed up those wakeful hours perfectly.

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  10. Yes I remember that phase, feeling terrible because you didn't want the baby to feel lonely in the dark. It passes, 2 years down the track and they simply get up and climb into bed with you when they feel like company.
    Happy Sleep Time
    Mumabulous

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  11. Oh, that was beautiful, Kylie x

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  12. "Always leads to the moonwalking..."Ah, love it! And know it only too well :)
    One of the twins has a habit of saying "Mama, sit there..." whenever he wakes up now. He doesn't need me to pat him or soothe him. Just for me to "Sit there..."

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  13. Gorgeous, gorgeous piece! I'll be featuring you again this week - how can I not?!

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  14. Love it! I almost suffered self-induced whiplash with my vigorous head nodding at the moon walk comment. So true!

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  15. Oh my gawd those cheeks! It's all I can do to not try and pinch them through the screen. And I can definitely relate x

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  16. Beautiful post. I love the moon walk idea.

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  17. Beautiful post. I can so relate to this. I did the moon walk last night and tripped on the rug on my way out. She woke and the process started agin!
    Prue x

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