First Days // Life

I'm sitting here at my desk and what's that sound?

It's the sound of silence. 

Ok, so it's the sound of rain and loud traffic out the front, but inside the house, there's silence. It's almost too quiet.

Today Zee started Daycare. Her first full day away from me, being looked after by people who are not related to her in anyway. She's less than a week shy of being 18 months and if I'm totally honest, I'm feeling a little sad. I've looked forward to this day for a while now. My first day with no kids in the house. My first day with no-one to think about but myself. 

Punky has her first day in the 'big kids' room today too. I was quite relieved to see that her teacher from the 2-3 year room has moved up with the kids into the 3-4 year olds room because I know Punky has bonded with her and feels comfortable with her there.

I was also more than a little relieved to see that Punky's other teacher from last year has moved down to the pre-preschool room that Zee is now in. It's a familiar face for her in a room full of new. The teacher that was in that room when Punky was in there is also there too, and it makes me happy knowing that she is in such good hands.

First days are weird, aren't they. There is a sense of happiness, in knowing that your child is moving away from you a little, gaining a little independence and starting to find themselves in this big ol' world. Then there is the sadness, knowing that from now on, there is limited time before they are off to big school, and in a place where the harshness of the world suddenly comes much closer to them.

It will be a big first day for me next week, off to Tafe. My first time in 'formal' education, on campus, since 2001. I'm scared and excited, all at the same time. I'm excited about all of the awesome things I'll be learning, and getting to indulge my passion for photography and work hard at realising my dream of doing it for a living. I'm scared about how I'll manage, about getting assignments done, getting through all of the work. But it's a challenge I am so ready for, after 19 months of being a full-time stay-at-home-Mum.

Today marks the start of a new chapter in our lives. The newborn/baby days are behind us. I don't know if we will have another baby. Dave says no, no way, uh-uh. My head agrees with him. But my heart? My heart doesn't know what it wants. 

There is a part of me that thinks about those long newborn days and is glad that perhaps we won't have to deal with the endless feeds and sleepless nights again (not that the nights now don't bring their own wakings!). But there is another part of me that longs to feel those movements inside of me again, longs to cradle a tiny, sleeping newborn in my arms. Longs for the hours spent with a babe to my breast, holding their little hands, stroking their soft skin, and breathing in that intoxicating newborn aroma.

I honestly don't know what the future holds for this little family of 4 but there is one thing I do know. That no matter what, as long as we are together, it doesn't matter. As long as I have my people, my three lovely, beautiful, amazing people, I can do anything and face whatever our future may be.

I'm sad. But I'm also freaking excited!

How is everyone else's first days (school, preschool, work) going? Are you excited about what the future has in store for you and your family?

To the Mummas with babies off to big school today, i am thinking of you all and sending super big hugs. I hope the first day goes smoothly for both your cherubs and you!

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Naaaw! Kylie, I know that feeling!
When I had my first two and I popped them in crèche together for the day once a week, I used to miss them like crazy. I craved the time alone but when I had it, I had no idea what to do with it! I ended up pulling them both from day care and just having more babies!
Good luck with your TAFE course - I didn't know about that. It will be fab and you can blog your learnings to share with the rest of us. x
Simplify.Create said…
Such a lovely post. I am already dreading the school days and I only have a 2 year old & a baby bump haha Good on you for returning to study. I not so long did that myself and have my final assignment to finish this week before I defer the crap outta that post grad degree so I can have a baby minus the extra stress. We are yet to do daycare or related. Mummy won't cope LOL Hope you all have a great first day.
Maxabella said…
All the changes, Kylie. It is so surprising to wake up one day and realise that you've somehow managed to grow the children into a different stage of life! I hope you embrace your TAFE experience for all it's worth. You deserve this. x
Bec @ Wholly Listening said…
Yep, those first days are always such a mix of excitement and some small sense of grief, I think.
Good luck as you start TAFE. I so admire the way you've grabbed hold of what you're passionate about and are moving ahead with it. You'll have an amazing time, I'm sure.
HandbagMafia said…
My big girl starts high school this week. Wahhh!
So many milestones of late ... I've just had the first of my two children leave the nest. Trust me, it doesn't get any easier!

Visiting today from #teamIBOT x
Housewife in Heels said…
Such a big day for you! Congrats on your return to study. Don't stress too much about assignments- P's make degrees :). And your photography is beautiful,so you have a head start. It's nice that your girls are at the same day care centre. I've always been comforted knowing mine had each other. My boys will both be starting kindy at a new centre this Thursday. Hold me!
Ahh yes it's a weird feeling when you have the house to yourself. I'm glad you can have a tiny bit of time out before TAFE starts. I am excited about the future, but am pretty much the same as you, as long as I have the girls and 'my Dave' I can take on anything :)
I hope you ended up enjoying the rest of the day Kylie. they don't come round often. My heart still breaks on a Monday when I drop the boys off after a long weekend of cuddles. So excited for your course I hope it is all you dreamed best of luck !
Love it that you have a Punky! Next week will be our first day! x
Oh that is so sweet Ky. All the best for TAFE! And I remember when mine first started daycare, it was an eerie feeling being home alone. But it's just the start of a bit of freedom that is about to come your way. The whole 3rd child thing, my hubby said NO WAY too and then the decision was taken out of our hands. What will be will be. Have a great week my friend xx
EssentiallyJess said…
Oh I hear ya Kylie! My baby starts preschool tomorrow and it's the first time in eleven and a half years that I won't have someone at home. I'm not quite sure what I'll do with myself.
But yay for Tafe! My course is throw TAFE too but it's all online so I'll still be on my lonesome. Not sure how I'll go with that! I don't mind studying alone, but the house will be so quiet :(
I will be feeling like this on Friday when school returns and my youngest starts prep! But baby #3 is due at the end of March so soon those sounds of silence will be filled with newborn cries, so I think I'll try to make the most of this time while I can :) Good luck with your first day at TAFE too! Wow so many firsts for your and your family in just a couple of weeks!
TeganMC said…
I can relate to all of this. I had it in my mind that him starting school would be no different to daycare and I'd be fine. Then the reality of it all hit me about mid December. I think it's the rigidness of it all, that I can't keep him home whenever, just because. I'm also struggling with not knowing what he is doing all day. He is loving it though!

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