The REAL 5 Steps to Bed (for toddlers) // Laughs // Motherhood

Jimmy Giggle has got it so damn wrong. As any parent of a toddler will tell you, Jimmy's 5 steps to bed are just the warm-up for the main event. And if Jimmy's 5 steps (brushing teeth, PJs on, story or sleepy-time song, cuddling favourite toy and saying hello to the night) are the only steps you have to take before your toddler goes off to sleepy-time then I only have one thing to say to you... 

Damn You! In the nicest possible way (and pleeeeease tell me your secret!!!).

Here's the real 5 steps to bed when it comes to toddlers...

Step 1. 

Allow child a few minutes of reading time before lights out.
Turn lights out after changing the pooey nappy that toddler now seems able to produce on command just before lights out.
Follow this with searching for the first 3 toys the toddler can think of that aren't currently in bed with him/her.
Finish off by going from the door to the bed, twice, to give the extra cuddles requested.

Think about drinking wine.

Step 2. 

Chase toddler back in to their bed after they have sculled the last of the water in their drink bottle and asked you a million and one questions about what you are doing (which could be anything from eating dinner to watching TV to folding clothes).

Check the cupboards to see if you do in fact have wine.

Step 3. 

Chase toddler back in to their bed after finding them lurking in the kitchen, not actually doing anything other than not being in their bed.
Threaten to take away a favourite toy and throw it in the bin if you catch them out of bed again.

Get a wine glass from cupboard and put wine on the bench.

Step 4. 

Hear light go in their bedroom, go in to find them putting a pair of socks on their hands.
Tell toddler to get back in to bed and have argument about why she can't see her sister and give her a kiss. Explain that sister is asleep and "you already gave her a kiss goodnight. You can see her in the morning".
Try to hide the fact that inside you are grinning from ear to ear about the fact that she does actually love her sister so much that she "needs her" and ignore the voice that says "it's just an act. A stalling technique".
Count to 3 while the toddler walks slower than a man in slow-motion towards their bed and insists on putting the covers on by themselves.
Take a favourite toy to "throw in the bin".
Shut door on sooking toddler.

Open bottle of wine and breathe in it's sweet scent.

Step 5. 

Hear door of bedroom open and get up to find toddler just standing in the doorway with big frown on face, saying "I want hug" and losing it when you give them a hug and then take away a second toy.
Shut door on sooking toddler and pray they sook enough that they will be too exhausted to get out of bed again and will fall asleep.
Breathe sigh of relief when, after 10 minutes they haven't emerged again.

On a good night, pour a glass of wine and savour every mouthful.

On a bad night, go back and repeat steps 2-5 ad infinitum! Total time from initial lights out to sleeping child: anywhere from 15 to 50 minutes.

And that my friends, is the real 5 steps to bedtime with toddlers!

Do your kids go out of their way to drag out bedtime? What are their classic stalling techniques? What techniques, if any, do you use to beat the tiny terrorists at their own game?


Kylie Purtell said…
Hahaha, Yep.
Where were you when I needed you all those years ago?
As it was I became the world's biggest advocate for co-sleeping.
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
Kylie Purtell said…
Toilet. Can go to the toilet 50 times once the light goes out...then wants you to tuck them back in bed...
Kylie Purtell said…
It's pretty innocent but my girls always want to read another book or another chapter. My youngest breastfeeds to sleep so loves going to bed. X
Kylie Purtell said…
Reading, reading and more reading....Though most nights Hugh asks to go to bed at the usual time and its lights out after a book. Cant complain about that!
Kylie Purtell said…
So mine asks for water and then finds something in his room that is mine and hands it to me. BUT this only ever happens if he's had a big day sleep, which is rare, so usually he's out to the count!!!!!!!!! WINNING.
Kylie Purtell said…
Oh great I can't wait for this. Its bad enough now at 11 months lol. If the giggle and hoot five steps to bed worked it'd make life much easier.
Kylie Purtell said…
I hear you and mine isn't even at the talking stage yet. I have a lot to look forward to it seems. I see a lot of wine in my future!
Kylie Purtell said…
You've just described every single night I deal with. The only good thing for me is that once they're in bed I can kiss them all goodbye and exit the building for the evening. Until I reset and do it all again the next day.
Kylie Purtell said…
I have zero tolerance for bed time shenanigans! I do one hug and that's it. Come out without a legitimate excuse and see how quickly I can get crabby! ;)
Kylie Purtell said…
Mine does the I want to kiss my sister trick too! Was nice the first time ... Other techniques include requests for water, my undies are up my bum, I want another book under my pillow, my pillow needs to be shaken up. The list goes on :)
Kylie Purtell said…
It's so true.... although I think we might be just passed all the getting up frequently business - just in time for number 2 to start it shortly, I bet!
I turn into a monster mum come 7.35. I don't play nice.
Kylie Purtell said…
I love this! Well done!! I could hate Jimmy Giggle but he's so damn cute. :)
Kylie Purtell said…
This is our house too! Although change the nappy for 500 trips to the toilet.
Kylie Purtell said…
There may be 5 steps to bed, but 50 to getting them to go to sleep!
Kylie Purtell said…
I remember these all so well, Kylie! Now it's "tell me a song to sing, mum" followed by "what should I paint next?". As they get older, the stalling techniques just change :)
Kylie Purtell said…
This has me laughing out loud. I remember all this from my first son. My second son is nearly 2 and hasn't figured out how to climb out of the cot yet. I think I'll just leave him in a cot til he's about 5:)
Kylie Purtell said…
Oh, I can relate so much to this! Our 2 1/2 year old's new stalling technique is that he needs to go to the toilet as we are in the midst of toilet training.. We also get requests for specific cars and trucks which need to 'go to sleep' with him and he also wants to play with his brother. Oh the joys :)
Kylie Purtell said…
I still nurse my toddler to sleep, because I shudder to think of getting him to sleep on his own! As it is, I get multiple 'read, read, read' requests, and 'play, please', and it's so tough saying no to his earnest little face, begging for more books. Kids need a sleep button!
Kylie Purtell said…
This is the exact same routine for our 13 year old too ;) xx

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