And the Tosser Trophy goes to... | Kylie Purtell - Capturing Life

Monday, 21 April 2014

And the Tosser Trophy goes to...

Oh Barry.

Barry, Barry, Barry. What the fuck were you thinking?



Actually scratch that, you probably weren't thinking.

Coz you was drunk!

And when you is drunk, forgetting to declare $3000 bottles of wine from suspect sources is an easy thing to do.

Tosser!

To be fair, if it was me, I wouldn't say no to getting my drink-on with a $3000 bottle of 1959 Penfolds Grange. Can you imagine how good that shit would taste?! Like drinking unicorn piss I imagine.

If it was me, I'd be sitting on my lounge sipping that unicorn urine in a lady-like fashion. From the right glass for that type of piss (the wider ones are for red, yeah?), while eating some super-creamy and not-safe-for pregnant-woman soft cheese. And my husband would be sitting beside me drinking his wine, chilled from a mug.

Coz we're classy like that.

But the difference between you and me Bazza is this.

I'm a 30-something, middle-class suburbanite, stay-at-home-Mum.

You're the fucking premier of an actual state and you should know bloody better!

Really, Barry?

Really???

Seriously dude, did you not learn anything from toddler-hood? Saying "I know nothing" has never worked. Ever! Even Punky learnt that lesson early on!


While I do have to thank you for finally pulling out the finger and getting Sydney's second airport on the go and making it NOT be in my backyard, that is not enough to stop you from being awarded the coveted Tosser Trophy.

I'm a little disappointed that you didn't actually say "I did not have sexual relations with that wine bottle", but you came close. And for that I'll give you a little golf clap. The amnesia defence almost worked.

Almost.

If you can't remember what happened to a $3000 bottle of wine then that is all the proof I need of your qualification for a Tosser Trophy. You've obviously consumed too many $3000 bottles of wine and to be honest, that's more than a little bit wanky! The average non-wanky person remembers drinking that kinda piss!

Barry, you have excelled in the work required to obtain your Dickhead Degree. I'm sure the many constituents of NSW will join with me in awarding you this highest of accolades. You have set the (wine) bar high my friend.

In your time as Premier you have excelled in reaching new levels of crappyness. However even I can admit that your time in power has been prematurely extinguished. If left in office for the remainder of your term, you may have been able to reach the lofty heights of douchiness reached by the former wardens of the state, the NSW Labor Party.

Now there's a bunch of hacks even more worthy of this award!

But alas Barry, it's time to exit stage right, and you will go down in NSW history as the first Premier to be rolled by a bottle of wine.

Tosser!




13 comments:

  1. Deserved recipient. He worked hard for that recognition. X

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  2. I feel sorry for whoever gave him that $3,000 bottle of wine. Can you imagine dropping that much coin on a gift, only to have the recipient not remember receiving it?!

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  3. Australian politics - amazing stuff! Thanks for linking up xxx

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  4. I still doubt the sanity of people that keep 'evidence' - the thing that really disturbed me about the Monica case all those years ago is she kept the dress without washing it.... WHO DOES THAT? And who keeps the envelope of a thank you note? Honestly.... between daft politicians and opportunists the world over I'm surprised you can only award one a week!

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  5. And what a well deserving recipient he be!

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  6. I haven't really been following the news at all but I must say, so I'm not getting what all the fuss is about and why one gifted bottle of wine $3k worth or not would cause someone to resign.

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  7. So true - there is no way you would not remember a $3000 bottle of wine unless you had consumed the whole bottle in one sitting! Crazy. Again a very worthy tosser award winner Kylez!

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  8. I have loved this story. Mostly because it has generated material like this, and kind of wishing it had happened here (Victoria).

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  9. You crack me up, Kylie. He certainly is a Tosser. Will be very interested to see who you give this honour to next.

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  10. I totally agree Kylie! What a tosser! Very deserved winner.

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  11. I bet you just smiled when this was announced, the Tosser Trophy all but wrote itself right? He's a knob, a greedy politician who only cares about himself! And I've have to drink two bottles to not remember drinking them ;)

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  12. If only Bazza had admitted it!! Funniest part is not that he forgot but the signed note turned up the day after he swore he knew nothing about it!! Tosser of the year in my book, he will be hard to top!!

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  13. LOL! The sudden exit is the most we're ever going to get as far as confessions are concerned. Good riddance. And all it took was a very expensive bottle of wine :)

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