To one of the greatest women I know... | Kylie Purtell - Capturing Life

Tuesday, 10 September 2013

To one of the greatest women I know...

I haven't always had a great relationship with my mother. In fact in my teens and early 20s we could barely have a conversation without getting in to an argument. In many ways we are different, but in others, too similar. I was a headstrong teenager who knew everything and I didn't need anyone telling me what to do. Couple that with trying to cope with my parents separation and eventual divorce and I had quite the rebellious period!
My beautiful mother with my sister E
These days however it's a different story. I can't believe I gave my Mum so much grief and I often feel guilty about the way I behaved and the things I did and said to her. Since becoming a mother myself I have a new understanding and appreciation for my own mother that I don't think I would have gained if it wasn't for the little ones who now call me Mum.

Being a Mum is certainly not the easiest job in the world, there are a lot of sacrifices made and to think I repaid my Mother her sacrifices with so much bad behaviour and worry. I'm not looking forward to when it's my turn with my own teenage girls! As they say, Karma is a Bitch!
Mum and I, Christmas Day, maybe 2004

Every Wednesday night we all head to Mum's place for family night, a night when Mum cooks an amazing meal and we all spend time together just hanging out and catching up. It's my favourite night of the week, and I know it's Mum's too. No matter what has been going on Mum always puts in so much effort and I don't think I could ever fully express just how much I appreciate that effort and love those nights with her.

Last Wednesday night however was a little different. I drove to Mum's, left Punky with my sister E, and Mum and I headed over to Westmead Hospital to visit my Uncle S, Mum's brother. In the car on the way over we got to talking about being a Mum and how as mothers we make mistakes and don't always feel that we are doing the best job that we can. My grandmother wasn't the perfect mother, my mother wasn't the perfect mother, and I sure as hell ain't the perfect mother. But the simple fact remains that we all did and continue to do (with the exception of Grandma, rest her soul) the best we can, even if it doesn't feel like it. And no matter what other people say, no-one will be a harsher critic of our parenting than we are of ourselves.
Mum and I on my wedding day, August 2008
Knowing what I know now, since becoming a Mum, and just generally growing up, I wanted to take this opportunity to tell Mum this...

You did do a good job. In fact, you did a fantastically brilliant job. You still do. I wouldn't be the woman and mother I am today without you. I appreciate you more than I could ever express with words and I truly don't know what I would do without you. You are an amazing grandmother to Punky and Zee and I can't thank you enough for the all of the love and support you give us.

You've gone through so much, and I know this year especially has been so hard, losing both Aunty J and now Uncle S, I can't imagine the heartache you must feel. I wish there was a way that I could take the pain and grief and make it all go away, to make you happy and to make you smile. It's not fair that cancer has taken so much from you and I hope and pray that it won't take anyone else from you. 

Today on your birthday I hope you can find some joy amidst the grief, some sunshine in the rain, even for a few hours. I love you so much and so do your granddaughters and all of us who are lucky enough to call you Mum, mother-in-law, sister, aunty and friend. 

Happy Birthday Mum, can't wait to see you tonight!

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.

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  1. What a lovely post and I am the same as you, I didn't appreciate my mum half as much until I became a mum myself. Happy Birthday to your mum!

  2. Such a beautiful post Kylez.
    I'm not a mother yet, but even being an adult I can see all the reasons why my parents did and said what they did. I can only hope to be as wonderful a mother as mine was to me.
    Sounds like, although turbulent times when you were younger, you and your mother have sucha beautiful friendship now.
    Happy Birthday Mumma of Kylez

  3. A beautiful post for your mum! :) I never knew how hard it is to be a mother too until I was one.. so so thankful to my mum for all she has and is still doing. Happy birthday to your dearest mother!

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

  4. What a beautiful tribute to your Mom.
    Have the best day !

  5. That's such a beautiful tribute to your mum Kylie. We all only do our best as mothers, and it's only since having Bell that I appreciate all my mum did for me.
    Happy birthday to your gorgeous mum xx

  6. Lovely post :)
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit

  7. Such a beautiful post about your mum.

  8. So lovely Kylie. You may be lucky to have her, but I am certain she feels just the same way. Being able to recognise, and also voice your feelings would mean just the world to her I imagine.

  9. There is something about becoming a mum which totally changes your view on your own mother isn't it?
    I remember when my eldest was born, I looked at mum differently and thought 'you did this for me?' And now I know that despite the pain and length, she would have done it a hundred times, just like I would.
    Sorry about Uncle S xx

  10. Happy Birthday to your Mum. So sorry she's had to go through such loss, but look at what she's gained in you and your girls. Enjoy your night together x

  11. A gorgeous post. That's the thing about Mummahood... we're all just doing the best we can. And it sure helps you gain perspective. Sorry to hear of your loss too. X

  12. Beautiful tribute to your mum, Kylie. It's so sad she's gone through so much loss. It's amazing how a mixture of age and our own mama experiences help us see our mums in a much more different, reflective light. xx

  13. What an amazing tribute to your mum, Kylie. And happy birthday wishes to her for today! What you wrote about no-one ever being a harsher critic of our parenting than we are ourselves is so true. You look stunning in your wedding photo too by the way!

  14. I nearly had a wee tear up - thinking that is something I should say to my mum! Who celebrated her 65th birthday just 8 days ago. Lovely and kind words Ky - lovely pics too! Happy Birthday Mumma Ky xx

  15. Oh what a lovely post. It is so true that once you become a mother yourself, it really makes you look back and realise what your own mother went through. I know that I certainly tested her, that's for sure. I've made similar points in my #IBOT post.

  16. What a lovely message to your mum, I too think it's impossible to truly appreciate the sacrifices our mothers made until we have our own babies and become the ones making the sacrifices.

  17. What a beautiful message to your mum Kylie! This message is a wonderful gift you are giving her for her birthday!

  18. So beautiful Kylie. I could have written a lot of that myself, about my mum and I when I was a teenager. God I gave her grief. SO MUCH GRIEF! She did the best she could, being a single mum and raising 3 girls, God love her. I'd love to have a family night one night a week. Great idea x Aroha


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