The rant post so late and lame I forgot to give it a name!

When I saw that this weeks theme for The Lounge was to have a rant I was kinda stoked. Even short-term readers of this blog will know that I love nothing better than to have a good rant!

I've been thinking all week what to have a rant about but nothing really struck me enough to get a good rant up about. As it happens this week has been pretty hectic, but in a kinda good way, and it's now Thursday night and I got no ranty-rant written!

I'm sitting here bouncing away on a fit ball, typing this one handed on to the iPad and enjoying the fact that I don't have to go to work tomorrow. In fact, I don't have to go to work again for at least the next year! That's right my bitches, I am now on maternity leave! And tomorrow (or today, depending on when you're reading this) is my birthday!

Which leads me to the first of my 'rants' for today. How much does it freaking suck being pregnant, or breastfeeding for that matter, on your birthday! You can't drink, and in my case I can't even indulge in all good things that come with birthdays like chocolate and ice cream and cake!

Fucking gestational diabetes, you can kiss my pregnant arse! I hate you so damn much! And while we are at it, I hate you too stupid fucking genes, you've let me down! DOWN! You are not invited to my do-over 30th next year, 2 years after the actual event! We're gonna party old-school style and you are not gonna like it one bit but I don't care. There is a tequila bottle with my name on it just waiting for me and you, my dear body, are gonna regret giving me this diabetes shit the next day!

And can I just say, why is it so hard for people to drive the fucking speed limit in an 80 zone?!?! On a nice, sunny, clear, dry day there is no frigging excuse for not doing the speed limit! And what pisses me off even more is those dickheads that drive along doing 70kms an hour in an 80 zone, and then when it drops back to a 60km zone they continue to drive along at 70! OMFG!!!! What the hell is wrong with you, if you're not capable of driving well enough to follow the speed limit signs then you sure as hell shouldn't be fucking speeding! Get off my road, leave your car at home and catch a frigging train sunshine! I ain't got time for that shit! I got places to be, people to see, blogs to write and pees to pee! I can't be stuck sitting behind you with a baby head-butting my bladder every few seconds waiting for you to decide to do the effing speed limit. My pelvic floor is good but it ain't that good! Can I send you the bill for my dry-cleaning and car detailing?

And what is it with those people that leave shopping trolleys at the entrance to shopping centres, where there is no trolley return, or worse, leave the effing things right next to the return bay! Are you that bloody lazy that you can't wheel the damn thing an extra metre or two so that it's where it should be? Inconsiderate douchebag!

And for fucks sake channel 7, why the hell can't you play bloody Criminal Minds at the same time every week and why oh why did you have to miss that first episode when Emily came back last season? And then you replayed it with no warning after a new episode from this season and I deleted it because I just thought it was old. Why do you do that, why?!?!

Oh and while we are on the subject of TV, you people that make The Walking Dead better not decide again that mid-way through a season is a good time to take an 8 week break. It's bad enough that you cant just continuously make the show for my own enjoyment and entertainment year round, but to make me wait 8 weeks between fixes of Daryl, that's just not fair! So when you come back on in October can you please, please, please not take a. 8 week break and instead just make an extra 8 episodes to slot in there. Thanks!

To the stupid student doctor who can't take a belly measurement accurately, I seriously hope you're a first year. Coz if you ain't a first year then I worry for the women who get you as their OB. Just so you know, my pubic bone does not start in my vagina, you should not be almost giving me an internal trying to figure out where it is. Not knowing how to measure a pregnant belly from where it starts and ends, and telling the supervising OB that my belly is measuring over 5cms what it should be for date is not cool man. Not. Cool. Thank God the real doctor corrected your mistake, those measurements can be the difference between an unnecessary induction too early and letting nature takes it course. And I sure as hell know which option I prefer!

And can someone please explain to me why, if something is a requirement for a tafe assessment task, and that by not fulfilling that requirement you can be failed, why is it not not written explicitly on the assessment sheet? If you want something done over three consecutive days then you need to specify the CONSECUTIVE part of the requirement on the assessment task. Otherwise asking people to complete something over three days during their two weeks of prac could be construed as being able to be done over any three days in the two week period. Sort that shit out tafe and don't expect people to be mind readers and then fail them when they fail to comply with the implied specifics of the task. And then expect someone to wait 6 months before they can redo the module and the prac. People have lives you know! (This is not related to me, I'm not at tafe, but its happened to someone close to me and I am beyond pissed off about it!)

Hmmmmm. So it seems that once I get started there are quite a few things that I can get my Ranty pants on for. And I didn't even try, I've written this while watching Alias on DVD. Imagine what I could rant about if I really put my mind to it. The Ranty goodness would be too much for this universe I suspect and we would all combust in a spontaneous explosion of my ranting genius! Lets all take a minute to think about and be grateful that I'm not on my game at the moment.

I'm thinking maybe I should open up the floor to you now dear readers, what topics would you like to hear me rant about? I need to get some posts scheduled for when this precious bundle of jabbing knees and elbows decides to make her arrival, and I am thinking that I should make a few of them feature my distinct and oh so stylish Ranty McRanterson designer Ranty pants. They fit like a glove and make even the most banal and trivial of things worthy of a good rant. And they just feel so good!

So let me know if there is any topic you'd like my sexy Ranty pants to tackle, I'm sure I can come up with something while watching some Bones or Lost on DVD with all of this free-time I'm now going to have on maternity leave ;) In fact, lets not limit it to topics of a rant-inducing nature, I'm opening up the floor here and I'm gonna say, ask me anything. What do you want to know about me, what do you want to hear my opinion on? I know your loins are just burning with the desire to hear what I have to think and to get to know me just that little bit better. So ask me a question and ill answer the ones I like the most.

Linking up today with the loveliest of lizards over at The Lounge, and of course, the most awesome Grace from With Some Grace, without whom I would not get the chance to flog myself repeatedly on a Friday!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Kylie Purtell said…
Kelly was here. (My new stamp so you know I DO actually come here)
Kylie Purtell said…
And also, Ranty McRanterson eat your heart out!
Kylie Purtell said…
And finally, HAPPY LAST DAY!!!!
Kylie Purtell said…
You do the rant so well, and so entertainingly. I can well imagine duo-motherhood is going to give you much ammunition! I mean this in the most lovingly of ways xx (See the two kisses, in a two kids in under two kinda way :) ) It's all good until they can whinge in a unison over the same thing, like the same drink vessel.( Hot exactly two of the same, brand, type, colour. No fighting Monkey!!
Kylie Purtell said…
Agreed with everything!!

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