Once Again... | Kylie Purtell - Capturing Life

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Once Again...

Once again...

...I am sitting here on a Monday night with nothing written for what has become a regular thing to Blog on Tuesdays. I've had the laptop switched on for a few hours now, constantly being distracted by other things. Facebook. Blogs. DPCON13 stuff. Twitter. Editing photos from our good friend's wedding last Friday (Dave and I were in the bridal party). Punky. Dinner. MKR.
No Dave isn't actually drunk in that last photo, its just the stupid face he likes to pull for pictures. Believe it or not he is actually drunk in the middle pic, taken towards the end of the night, whereas the last pic was taken before we even made our entrance in to the reception!

Once again...

...I find myself struggling to have patience. Patience with the housework. Patience with cooking. But most of all patience with Punky and myself. I read somewhere once, it might have been on Good Golly Miss Holly, that when it comes to having kids, "it doesn't get easier, it just gets different." And oh my gosh, am I finding that to be so true. I am struggling to keep my patience with Punky. When she refuses to eat. When she ignores every word I've said to her because her growing mind is too occupied by whatever amazing and awesome thing it is she is discovering and learning at the time. By the willful disobedience, different to the distraction of learning and exploring new things, where she looks straight at me and dares me to ask her again. Losing patience with constantly putting away her toys and everything else from every drawer and cupboard she pulls out, only to have her literally walk along behind me and pull it all out again. With the scream she has suddenly started doing when things don't work the way she wants. With the whinging that comes with the territory of teething. I feel so sorry for her and the pain she is obviously feeling.
I wish those freaking teeth would all hurry up and bloody well break through. 9 and counting, and of course those canine bitches are giving her the ultimate grief!
I know all of this is part of her learning and development. That she's not doing any of it (well almost, not all of it!) to get to me and test me and try my patience. But sometimes, when the clock hits 5:30pm, and I'm trying to get her dinner ready and she just starts the whinging that literally does not stop until its time to get ready for bed, it can feel like the day will never end and she has been put here on this earth to find out exactly what kind of person I am.

And some days I really don't like that person I've become.

Once again...

...The nerves are building around doing something totally out of my comfort zone, the nerves of meeting new people, having to introduce myself, make small talk, push the thoughts about what others are thinking about me from my head. It's hard meeting new people, isn't it? It doesn't matter how much of a talker I am, how much of a people-person I tend to be, that first act of meeting someone new, of introducing myself, the small-talk before the conversation really starts to flow, it scares the shit out of me. I know once I get going, once I push the thoughts from my head that wonder what the other persons first impressions of me are, once I stop worrying about acting like an idiot or making a fool of myself, I know I will enjoy myself and have a smashing time. That I will be so buzzed by the end of it and making plans for the next one that the nerves will be but a distance memory. But I have to get to the starting line first before I can push through the nerves and enjoy myself.

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Once again...

...I've written a rambling post, with no real direction or point, and I wonder if it makes any sense to anyone outside my addled mind? Am I the only one who feels like some days they are just going around in circles, repeating the same mistakes, thinking the same thoughts, having the same arguments with my inner-self, not to mention my mini-me. Once again I'm confronted by the fact that karma is a bitch and that I'm in for a wild ride with Mia over the coming years. But to be honest, its a ride I don't want to get off. You couldn't pay me to get off!

I can guarantee you that I will be back here later in the week, writing a post about all of the awesome and amazing people I've met and things I've learnt at DPCON13. Despite the nerves I really am exciting. If you're going, please don't hesitate to come up to me and get me talking, I promise you once I start I won't stop!

I Blog on Tuesdays. I have a crazy mind. I write rambling posts. Do you?
 

28 comments:

  1. enjoy the conference and I'm sure you'll comeback refreshed and renewed...:)

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  2. have a fantastic time lovely! wish i was there to meet up with my teamIBOT girlies! xo

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  3. I wholeheartedly agree, parenting never gets easier. Each phase has its ups and downs and challenges.


    Can't wait to meet you tomorrow! This is my third blogger conference in a year so I'm feeling pretty good about it all. I was shitting myself for the first two (Nuffnang and Problogger) but I reckon DPCON is going to be easy because we are all parents and, oh I don't know.... there'll be heaps to talk about!


    Fake it til you make it is my motto. I'll be going pretending I'm the most confident, articulate person around which will hopefully make meeting people easier.


    Yay! One more sleep.

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  4. I have a 7 year old and a 1 year old baby. People think that because my 7 year old is really well behaved and well mannered, I must have it all under control and breezing through raising my 1 year old. They couldn't be more wrong. My 1 year old is much more difficult, fiesty, in-your-face attitude. I have never been screamed at and bashed by a kid. She makes me want to cry very often.And I don't know what to do since she is really only 1 and doesn't understand that much. So yes... at the end of the day, I don't even feel like me. It is hard, man that is for sure.

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  5. I'd agree with the whole ' not easier, different ' thing. Tully is much different than Flynn was as a baby - cruiser, less demanding - but it doesn't mean that my job as a parent is any easier, especially with the two of them. I think one of the greatest things to hold on to is that though our circumstances may be different that somewhere out there is a parent, just like you, struggling with the exact.same.thing.
    As for DPCON - have fun!

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  6. Sounds like a great time for a little DPCON break. You'll be fine! The girls (and lads) will look after you. I am looking forward to hearing how it all goes.

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  7. Aww I would love to meet you at DPCon Kylez! Have fun with the rest of the ladies and try not to think too much about any frustration you have at home. A break is indeed good to recharge :)

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

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  8. Have fun - your bridal party dress looks beautiful (love the detail). definitely agree about different rather than easier for parenting stages.

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  9. OMG, I was in the exact same place as you last night! Good luck and have fun at DPCON 13!

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  10. I feel you!! I'm dealing with it too, pregnancy probably doesn't help much either! But they are into Everything, I thought baby stage was hard, but I would say toddlerhood brings so many more new challenges. The climbing out of the trolley and running away at the supermarket only to get bitten when I caught him almost has me in tears yesterday. So jealous of you at DPCON!!

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  11. I hear you.


    Hope you have a great time at DPCON13!

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  12. Ky you know what - as soon as No.2 angel comes along you won't have time to worry about how much your wee princess drives you up the wall! Patience is a hard animals to harness, and as you have more kids it just gets harder. It's all about picking your battles I reckon. Enjoy DPCon13, I WISH I was there to meet your lovely self and see that bumpety bump! Em @ Have a laugh x

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  13. Hope that you are having an amazing time Kylie! You look gorgeous at the wedding - glowing :) Can't wait to read all about your conference adventures xx

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  14. You look stunning in those wedding photos! Would love to have attended DPCon13- maybe next year...

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  15. Thanks lovely!

    You so have to go next year, you are top of my list of my list of bloggers I would live to meet!

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  16. Thanks Josefa, it truly was fantastic!

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  17. That is exactly what my Mum said! You are a wise woman Emily!

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  18. I think being pregnant definitely make it harder to find the tolerance and patience! And the tantrums! I think the terrible twos start a lot earlier than 2!

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  19. Yep, just when you think you have them figured out they go and bloody change!

    Thanks Deb!

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  20. A break was definitely what I needed! I hope we get to meet one day in the not too distant future!

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  21. If there's one thing bloggers are its welcoming. Just need to plaster a smile in my face and swallow the nerves next time!

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  22. That's what I love about blogging, is being able to hear other people's stories and experiences and know I'm not alone.

    You will have to come to a conference Amy, I wouldst love to meet face-to-face, you are one of my most favourite bloggers!

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  23. It really is hard isn't it. And every kid is so different so it's not like you can Ben do the same thing for one as you can the other. I hope it gets a little easier for you, I totally understand the crying, some days that is all you can do!

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  24. It was so ridiculously awesome to meet you V, I had the best time hanging out!

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  25. Thanks Aroha, we definitely missed having you there!

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  26. Definitely feeling refreshed, it was exactly what I needed!

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