Once Again...

Once again...

...I am sitting here on a Monday night with nothing written for what has become a regular thing to Blog on Tuesdays. I've had the laptop switched on for a few hours now, constantly being distracted by other things. Facebook. Blogs. DPCON13 stuff. Twitter. Editing photos from our good friend's wedding last Friday (Dave and I were in the bridal party). Punky. Dinner. MKR.

No Dave isn't actually drunk in that last photo, its just the stupid face he likes to pull for pictures. Believe it or not he is actually drunk in the middle pic, taken towards the end of the night, whereas the last pic was taken before we even made our entrance in to the reception!

Once again...

...I find myself struggling to have patience. Patience with the housework. Patience with cooking. But most of all patience with Punky and myself. I read somewhere once, it might have been on Good Golly Miss Holly, that when it comes to having kids, "it doesn't get easier, it just gets different." And oh my gosh, am I finding that to be so true. I am struggling to keep my patience with Punky. When she refuses to eat. When she ignores every word I've said to her because her growing mind is too occupied by whatever amazing and awesome thing it is she is discovering and learning at the time. By the willful disobedience, different to the distraction of learning and exploring new things, where she looks straight at me and dares me to ask her again. Losing patience with constantly putting away her toys and everything else from every drawer and cupboard she pulls out, only to have her literally walk along behind me and pull it all out again. With the scream she has suddenly started doing when things don't work the way she wants. With the whinging that comes with the territory of teething. I feel so sorry for her and the pain she is obviously feeling.

I wish those freaking teeth would all hurry up and bloody well break through. 9 and counting, and of course those canine bitches are giving her the ultimate grief!

I know all of this is part of her learning and development. That she's not doing any of it (well almost, not all of it!) to get to me and test me and try my patience. But sometimes, when the clock hits 5:30pm, and I'm trying to get her dinner ready and she just starts the whinging that literally does not stop until its time to get ready for bed, it can feel like the day will never end and she has been put here on this earth to find out exactly what kind of person I am.

And some days I really don't like that person I've become.

Once again...

...The nerves are building around doing something totally out of my comfort zone, the nerves of meeting new people, having to introduce myself, make small talk, push the thoughts about what others are thinking about me from my head. It's hard meeting new people, isn't it? It doesn't matter how much of a talker I am, how much of a people-person I tend to be, that first act of meeting someone new, of introducing myself, the small-talk before the conversation really starts to flow, it scares the shit out of me. I know once I get going, once I push the thoughts from my head that wonder what the other persons first impressions of me are, once I stop worrying about acting like an idiot or making a fool of myself, I know I will enjoy myself and have a smashing time. That I will be so buzzed by the end of it and making plans for the next one that the nerves will be but a distance memory. But I have to get to the starting line first before I can push through the nerves and enjoy myself.

Once again...

...I've written a rambling post, with no real direction or point, and I wonder if it makes any sense to anyone outside my addled mind? Am I the only one who feels like some days they are just going around in circles, repeating the same mistakes, thinking the same thoughts, having the same arguments with my inner-self, not to mention my mini-me. Once again I'm confronted by the fact that karma is a bitch and that I'm in for a wild ride with Mia over the coming years. But to be honest, its a ride I don't want to get off. You couldn't pay me to get off!

I can guarantee you that I will be back here later in the week, writing a post about all of the awesome and amazing people I've met and things I've learnt at DPCON13. Despite the nerves I really am exciting. If you're going, please don't hesitate to come up to me and get me talking, I promise you once I start I won't stop!

I Blog on Tuesdays. I have a crazy mind. I write rambling posts. Do you?