Jillian Michaels is trying to kill me. But she wants to make sure I brush my teeth good first | Kylie Purtell - Capturing Life

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Jillian Michaels is trying to kill me. But she wants to make sure I brush my teeth good first

Ok, so she's not really trying to kill me, that may be a slight over-exaggeration. She may only be trying to whip me in to shape. But my God does it feel like she is trying to kill me!

A few weeks ago someone posted on facebook about one of those daily email deals where you could get three Jillian Michaels workout DVD's for $30. Seeing as I am on a mission to try and lose the small toddler that I gained while pregnant (not of the human kind but of the fat kind obviously, although ask me again in a few months time when Mia is legitimately considered a toddler, I may well be trying to lose one of the human kind as well!) I thought this was a cracker of an idea and hot-footed it over to grab my copies.
The three DVD's I got. Despite the fact she is trying to kill me they
are pretty damn good, she's definitely the best instructor of all the DVD I've tried.

What seemed like weeks and weeks later they finally arrived and then they sat in my DVD drawer at home, calling my name softly in the early hours, at first gently trying to entice me to unwrap them , play them, do them, and then screaming at me to get off my fat-arse, balls-up and get fucking moving!

So on Monday night, when I could no longer take the screaming voices in my head, and when it looked like it was going to rain for the rest of the week, meaning afternoon walks with the munchkin and Dave would be out of the question, I ballsed-up, unwrapped one of those suckers, vowed to do the first DVD 5 times this week, no excuses, and proceeded to have my arse well and truely whipped by Jillian Michaels.

Apparently I am in the worst shape EVER!. Why oh why did nobody tell me that my ability to jump would be severely compromised after having a baby?!? WHY damn you!!! When I try to do a simple star jump, or even one of those running on the spot things where you try to kick you own arse with your foot, I'm not just afraid that I may wet myself but I'm scared that my whole freaking bladder might just come crashing down to the ground! I pride myself on having good pelvic floor muscles, but you don't really know how good they are (or aren't!) until you try to jump after having a baby!

And also, when I try to jump, my arse is so farking huge that it actually raises and falls a split second after the rest of my body and feels like I'm packing a 100 kilo weight in my pants! It ain't pleasant! I can only imagine what I must look like from behind while attempting to do these star jumps. Probably best not to though, lest I scar myself for life and end up a blithering mess on the floor screaming "My eyes! MY EYES!".
Too right!

But despite all this I am determined to continue on with it. My arms may be aching, my core muscles burning, my legs no longer attached to my body and my ability to bend-over without groaning in pain non-existent, but  for the love of all things sacred and true, I will not be beaten by an American on a DVD. I will make this workout my bitch and I will succeed in losing that toddler and not my shit.

Side Bar: After doing the DVD for the first time I decided to have a look and see what the 'Bonus' content was. It said it was Jillian's best tips for living a healthy life. Jillian's first tip was to throw out my manual toothbrush and to buy a power toothbrush. I thought "hmmm, ok, maybe using a power brush is to save me the effort of using a manual one after doing a workout because I can barely lift my arms and using a powerbrush would be more effective". She gave a couple more tips, then suggested that I get myself an Oral B power toothbrush. "hmmmm, I thought, that's a bit suss, wouldn't any old powerbrush do?", then there were a few more tips and finally, the last tip confirmed my suspicion. I'm pretty sure Jillian is a spokesperson for Oral B and gets paid to spruik the benefits of their power toothbrushes. Either that or she just really wants me to have nice teeth for my funeral after I've died from doing her workouts.

So tell me, are you on a mission to lose weight and get fiitter? Do you struggle to stay motivated to exercise like me? What are your best tips to keep motivation levels up? And did you know how hard it was going to be to jump after having a baby, and if so, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!!!

9 comments:

  1. I promise, that if you stick with jillian, you will surprise yourself at how quickly your fitness improves... She kills me daily. And I yell at her every minute for those 30mins, but god she is good ;)

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  2. LMFAO - Can I come over next time you do it? I might try and partake, but more likely I'll just watch for amusement purposes! *My eyes! My eyes!" hehehe. Nice one.

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  3. I have the 4 dvd set I got from amazon (for about $28) and it has the 6 pack abs too. I've tried a couple of the workouts but have decided my 6ft tall, 108kg body is not ready to be jumping around like that yet. Go you for doing it and being committed to keep going!! Go you good thing!

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  4. hah!

    Good on you for sticking at it. Sounds too hard for me.. I am so unfit! Too funny about the toothbrush, I wonder if she feels awkward having to include that. Probably not, too busy rolling around in all her sponsorship money.

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  5. You just made me laugh out loud at work !!!!! Not the best thing to do on a Friday afternoon because then they want to know why and I can't tell them because I am supposed to be working !!!!!
    As I was reading I was nodding to myself and ticking it off on my list of things that happen to me when I am exercising - we definitely must be sisters !!!
    Have the best weekend !
    Me

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  6. Found your blog via fybf. I lost weight earlier this year then flipped the coin and have been an animal since. I need to pull my finger out and get on with it again. I so can relate to the fat arse movement. I recalling when I first started to run, the pain in my thighs from the fat wobbles, unfortunately they are back and that is what disheartens me most.
    Good luck on your journey.

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  7. Oh I hear you! At least you're having a go!

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  8. Good on you! I've got a lot of Michelle Bridges dvds I should chuck in the player and do. I have started my diet AGAIN and will sign up for Droptober to try and kick 6kg I've put on this winter.

    Must Get Off My Butt and MOVE!

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