Friday Funny - My Kind of Doctor

Q: Doctor,  I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise.  Everything wears out eventually.  Speeding up the heart doesn't make you live longer; it's like saying you extend the life of your car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take a nap.  

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency.  What does a cow eat?   Hay and corn. And what are these?   Vegetables.  So steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef is also a good source of field grass (a green leafy vegetable).  And pork chops can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  No, not at all.  Wine is made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.  Beer is also made of grain.  Bottoms up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain...good!
     
Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A:  YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.  In fact, they are permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?!?  

Q :  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up's if you want a bigger stomach.  

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?  
A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It's the best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  
A:  If swimming is good for your figure, explain the whale to me..

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?  
A:  Hey!  'Round' is a shape!